Speaking About You

I’m sure that when went speaking about love and relationships you’ve heard the old saying that opposites attract.

Let me relate a story I heard …The ancient Greeks told the story of man and woman’s creation.  The gods in their infinite wisdom decided to make man less powerful, so the gods split man in two.They were two souls united in one body, which the gods later tore apart, depriving them of their blissful union.  As a result, we have spent our lives in one very long search for our other half.  That missing half of ourselves that we know is out there but just can’t find.

Very often we do find an opposite that seems to complete us, only for most of us to set about the ironic and frustrating task of changing that opposite (that seemed to complete us) into an exact image of ourselves.

I’m sure we have all seen how that usually works out.  We can not change people into what we want them to be, no matter how hard we try.

I have to admit that up until 2002 every guy that I was involved in a relationship with, was my opposite.  Someone who was calm, cool, collected, careful, cautious, careful and very well organized.  I loved this type of person because they were all the thing I was not.  I truely believed that they could help me be a better person, more like them. Of course that never happened and after a while we were ready to strangle each other.  Again I have to admit I never realized that, that was why I was attracted to them. A mentor of mine always says “You can not beware of something if you are not first aware of if. “**

The men I dated were just so different from me and I really thought that it was a good thing to date your opposite, to keep it interesting.  Eventually one of us gave up on the relationship because we just did not understand each others personality style.

Without being able to have a blending of personalities, without being able to communicate and understand each others style, one personality will normally find it’s way to the surface at the expense of the other person.

In 2002 someone gave me a  book to read about personality styles.  What I read was so amazing that I took a trip to Atlanta, GA. to take training with Dr. Robert Rohm Ph.D of Personality Insights, the author of the book that I had read. I learned many things that week but, one of the most important things I learned was that “Opposites attract but then they can attack”. **

So without understanding personalities styles I had very little chance of making a relationship with someone opposite to me, work. Believe it or not most people whether they realize it or not, are attracted to someone who can complete their other half or fill in their weak areas.

That Is not a bad thing but as was stated above - “one personality will normally find it’s way to the surface at the expense of the other person.”  The Greeks really understood this fact since it was their myth, but they also believed, the gods did this to us to keep us weak and constantly searching.

The Greek Hippocrates, tried to help his people developed themselves so that they did not have to spend a lifetime searching for their opposite. Hippocrates believed that by understanding ourselves and others, we would be able to have better relationships with everyone. He called his theory the “Four Behavioral Style Approach”.

Throughout the years that followed many people built on Hippocrates theory and then in 1921, Carl Jung, a famous Psychologist identified and described this four behavioral styles. Mr. Jung referred to them as four different personality styles that each of us have, but in different degrees.  In 1928, another famous psychologist William Marston published a book advancing his theories with regard to these 4 personalities styles. Marston called his theory “The DISC Model of Human Behavior.”

Learning this model of human behavior will help us so that we better understand ourselves and others that we deal with.  Once we learn this personality style approach we can then choose our partners with the full understanding of our own needs and as well as the needs of our partner.

We are not trying to say that one personality style is good or bad… they are just different and by understanding them we are likely not going to look for someone to fill in our weakness but a person to compliment us.  We will not have to worry about “Opposites attracting and then attacking.”

Take the time to learn about DISC personality styles because after all, if I understand you and you understand me, doesn’t it make sense that we will have a better relationship?

Contact me and I will be glad to teach you about Disc personality styles, how to recognize them and how to use them in your life.

For more information on Disc and personalities check out the ”Disc Articles” section to the right of this page.

Relationship Coaching With Kathleen Bass speakingaboutyou@hotmail.com

** quote from Dr. Robert Rohm Ph.D