Speaking About You

None of us can control

all the elements in our lives.

Sometimes destiny enjoys

a laugh at our expense.

When that happens,

we must choose our path.

We can succumb to fate’s

small tease or we can choose

to be happy.

Happiness can be found

in many places.

It can be seen in the

beauty of a flower.

It can be felt in the warmth

of the sun.

It can be heard in the

laughter of a small child.

It can be touched in

the softness of a favored pet.

It can be sensed in the

love of someone who

truly cares.

Choose to be happy.

Choose not to give in.

Choose to smile and look forward to

the day ahead.

Choose Life with all it’s

faubles.

Choose to be happy and

happiness will always

follow you.

                                 Author unknown

Real love is more

Than just beautiful flowers

And sweet words,

More than candlelight dinners

Or romantic walks in the park.

Real Love is understanding

Through the difficult times

It’s laughing together

When things are good

Or laughing together

To keep from crying

when things could’nt seem

To go more wrong.

Real Love shows compassion

And compromise….

And forgives and forgives

And forgives.

Real Love is everything

We share together.

Beacause to me, real love is,

And always will be,

You!

author unknown

More Poetry

If I do not want what you want, please try not to tell me that my want is wrong.
 
Or if I believe other than you, at least pause before you correct my view.
 
Or if my emotion is less than yours, or more, given the same circumstances,

Try not to ask me to feel more strongly or weakly.

Or yet if I act, or fail to act, in the manner of your design for action, let me be.

I do not, for the moment at least, ask you to understand me. 

That will come only when you are willing to give up changing me into a copy of you.

I may be your spouse, your parent, your offspring, your friend or your colleague.

If you will allow me any of my wants, or emotions, or beliefs, or actions,

Then you open yourself, so that some day these ways of mine might not seem so wrong and might finally appear right to you as right - for me.

To put up with me is the first step to understanding me.

Not that you embrace my ways as right for you,

But that you are no longer irritated or disappointed with me for my seeming waywardness.

And in understanding me you might come to prize my difference from you, and, far from seeking to change me, preserve and even nurture those differences

by David Keirsey 

 More Poetry   

The reasons why men cheat in a relationship are often different than the reasons why women cheat.  A man’s reason for cheating may include a wide variety of reasons including genetics, a sense of challenge, self-esteem and a lack of interest in their current relationship.  While none of these reasons are justifiable all of them can be reasons why a man chooses to stray or cheat on his current partner. 
 
Although genetics may be a small factor into why men cheat on their partner it may also just be a very weak defense for a man who is caught by his partner.  Experts believe that testosterone levels in men make them more vulnerable to infidelity.  This theory is based on the notion that men are genetically inclined to cheating because they are embedded with the notion that the survival of the species is dependent on their procreation.  While this may be true it is certainly not an excuse for unfaithfulness.  It may be true that in our great grandfathers time, men needed to populate the earth, this is certainly not true today and is not an excuse for cheating on your partner.  The truth is that in a truly loving relationship a man should be able to control himself and remain faithful despite any hormonal urges.  The theory of man being prone to cheating does not really hold water because while it may be true, there is no excuse for not being able to suppress these urges. 
 
Another reason men cheat is because they feel a sense of challenge in their cheating.  Actually being able to get away with an affair is a challenge that men enjoy.  Also they enjoy the challenge of finding other women with which to cheat.  To them the affair is more about the conquest then anything else.  Sure they may enjoy the physical side of the affair, but the chase and sneaking around is what really drives men to cheat on their partners.  They see fooling their partner as a great achievement and they enjoy the planning and secrecy that the affair provides them.  All of this without their partner ever learning of their transgressions.  To them the thrill of sneaking around and the fear of being caught creates and adrenaline rush is more important than the affair itself or even their current relationship.  Men also cheat because they are driven by competition.  If their friends are single or cheating on their partners and often have affairs with several women the man may feel that he needs to keep up with his friends.  To these men affairs become a way of competing with their friends.  Cheating in men is often driven by a sense of competition. 
 
Many men also engage in affairs because doing so is an ego boost for them.  The knowledge that they can find many women willing to engage in an intimate relationship with them is a tremendous self-esteem builder for some men.  They take pride in the ability to attract women and don’t care about the fact that in doing so they may destroy their relationship.  To these men the excitement of the chase is almost more important than the conquest.  Sometimes just knowing that other women find them desirable is enough of an ego boost for them to forget their commitment to their partner.  But basically it is a lack of self esteem on the man’s part that drives him to seek out affairs in the first place.
 
A man who is in an undesirable relationship may also be driven to cheat on his partner.  If the relationship has begun to wane and the man no longer feels the same attraction to his partner he may seek out an affair out of boredom.  If he feels his current relationship is lacking excitement he may also be driven to cheat in the hopes that he will find the excitement he desires elsewhere.  While the wise thing may be to end the relationship in search of a new more desirable partner, many men opt to hold onto the current relationship and still have the affair.  This may be because they fear that they may not find what they are looking for and may be left lonely and without a partner so they hold onto the failing relationship, figuring that a bad relationship is better than none at all. 
 
Men cheat for a variety of different reasons. Understand that none of these reasons may justify why they do it.  The reasons that men cheat include genetics, competition, self-esteem and boredom.  In general while genetics may play a very small part in why men cheat the major reason men cheat is because men cannot control their sexual and competitive urges, are lacking in self-esteem or are unhappy in their current relationship. 
 

relationship advice

How to Catch a Cheating Partner
Think Your Spouse is Cheating?
 

Technorati Profile

by David Steele

1. Start by losing the losers.
If you want to find your soul mate you must be available and not involved with people that aren’t right for you.

2. OK, available now? Next… are you “ready?”
Any unfinished business that might sabotage your next relationship? Get it handled!

3. Next, make a list your top five requirements
(non-negotiable deal-breakers) and vow not to get involved with anyone that doesn’t meet all five. Share your list with your closest friends and make them swear to tell you the truth and lock you up if you get off-track.

4. Good job. Now, let’s get crystal clear about this “dating” thing.
If you want to avoid the deadly dating traps, focus on these Four Steps for Conscious Dating:

• Scouting (find compatible people to meet- internet, through friends, getting out there, etc)
• Sorting (quickly determine if someone you meet has potential)
• Screening (collect enough information to know if your requirements would be met)
• Testing (date a few times and compare the reality with the information)

That’s it… nothing more, nothing less. No “trial relationships,” no fun flings; just these four steps.

5. Get support.
Don’t do this alone. Dating can be scary and isolating, and your friends and family can be your safety net to help you stay on track.

6. Work it!
Most people meet their soul mate through someone they already know, so let people know you’re looking and network like crazy.

7. Be positive and happy.
Success breeds success and misery loves company… your choice.

8. Be the Chooser!
Go after what you want and don’t simply react to what or who chooses you.

9. Be assertive!
If you settle for less, you’ll get less. Ask for what you want and say “No” to what you don’t want.

10. Live a great life NOW while you’re single.
“If you build it, they will come” (from the movie “Field of Dreams”).

Contact Relationship Coach Kathleen Bass at speakingaboutyou@hotmail.com for your free 30 min. relationship coaching trial session.

©2005 by David Steele

David Steele, MA, LMFT is founder of Relationship Coaching Institute and author of the ground-breaking new book for singles Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in Today’s World. www.ConsciousDating.com

More relationship advice

Dr joy Brown, author of “Dating for Dummies  gives her definition of love. She says it is – “Soft-focus in the best sense of the word.  You can see clearly, but it’s pretty and mellow and pleasing.  Most of all, love is about trust and time – and the time it takes to really trust someone fully.  Love isn’t a mad dash: it’s a slow stroll.  It’s compatibility, acceptance, giving as well as getting, warmth, fun, and shared interests and goals.  It’s caring for someone, not in spite of their flaws but, because of them.

The Oxford American Dictionary defines love as: 1) warm liking or affection for a person, affectionate devotion; to feel love for, to like greatly, to take pleasure in having or doing something. A romantic or sexual relationship between two people who are in love. 

Unconditional: 1) not subject to conditions or limitations.

Unconditional love is given without any expectations, limitations or any other definitions.  In other words when you love someone unconditionally you do so without expectations that the sentiment will be returned, without placing restrictions or conditions. There are also no when, where or why’s as to how the love is felt or shown.  There are many examples of relationships where the love is unconditional.  The love between romantic partners, parent and child, siblings and even friends can all be examples of unconditional love.  The most important factor of unconditional love is that it is completely free of restrictions and/or expectations. 

In giving unconditional love, it is important that you have no expectations of getting anything in return. You offer your love freely and do not demand that the feelings be returned.  Unconditional love is about you and your feelings and does not involve trying to create the same feelings in another person.  While you may hope and wish that the feeling is returned, true unconditional love does not hold any expectations that the same feeling exists and will be returned.  If you hold the expectation that your love for the other person is going to eventually be reciprocated then it is not truly unconditional love. 

One example of unconditional love without any expectations is the love between a parent and child.  A parent may love their child unconditionally and while the child may reciprocate that feeling, the parent’s love is there regardless of how the child feels.  Your unconditional love exists even if the other person does not have the same feelings towards you or any intentions of ever having those same feelings. 

Unconditional love also exists without any restrictions or limitations under which the feeling will remain.  True unconditional love endures any transgression that you can imagine.  When you give your unconditional love, you do so knowing that the actions or words of the other person will not result in this loving feeling being revoked.  Even deliberate acts meant to hurt you are overlooked, when someone with whom you have an unconditional love inflicts them.  Also, unconditional love is not used to attempt to control the actions of another.  Telling someone that they will lose your love if they do things you do not approve of is not unconditional love.  Romantic partners often have a feeling of unconditional love.  When this exists in the relationship, neither partner uses their love to control the other or threatens to revoke the love if their demands are not met. 

True unconditional love is given without any defining parameters.  When unconditional love is given, it is done so without the understanding that the love will only endure as long as certain conditions exist.  Unconditional love exists without the thought of setting definitions, limitations or boundaries on the love surviving.  Siblings are good examples of unconditional love that exists without any definitions.  While siblings may fight throughout their lifetime there is a bond that is present always and is never challenged.  Siblings may become angry at each other but their unconditional love transcends all boundaries and survives through countless arguments and misunderstandings. 

Those who have an unconditional love for another always want the best for the one they love and allow them to be free to seek what will truly make them happy.  Unconditional love involves wanting the best for the person you love and understanding that they need to be free and make their own choices to achieve this level of happiness.  While you may believe that you know what is best for your loved one, it’s important to let them learn things on their own and pursue opportunities and experiences that they believe will make them happy.  They may end up making wrong choices but if you love them unconditionally you will always be there for them and will not judge their actions. 

Unconditional love is truly free of any expectations, limitations or definitions.  This is a love that holds your loved ones best interests and happiness above all other things- including your own happiness.  When you offer your love unconditionally it is important to realize that you have no right to expect that your feelings will be returned or that your loved one will act and speak according to guidelines you set out for them.

Here is a mini test to help you determine if it is truly unconditional love. 

(Found in “Conscious Dating by David Steele)
Is it really Love?

1. Recall the last few times you were infatuated with someone and into a relationship.

• How long did the infatuation last for you?
• How long did the relationship last?
• What broke up the relationship?
• What did you learn from that relationship?

2.  Who in your life, whose judgment you trust, will you use to get a reality check when you are infatuated with someone? 

3.  What is the minimum period of time you will date somebody before being physically intimate?  How will you keep this boundary?

For help with these questions contact Relationship Coach Kathleen Bass @ speakingaboutyou@hotmail.com

And for more information on “Conscious Dating check out www.consciousdating.org

more relationship advice

According to dating expert David Steel from Relationship Coaching Institute, there are a series of 4 steps to finding your life partner. 

1-     Scouting

2-     Sorting

3-     Screening

4-     Testing

In this article I will discuss step # 1 the scouting step.  This is the process of searching out someone to meet.  There are a lot of great women out there just waiting to meet the man of their dreams but finding these available women can take a little creativity. 

Sure there are plenty of single women at bars and nightclubs but the competition is also tough with many men also trying to meet women and women are usually on guard at these locations so getting through their defenses can be difficult.  Instead of battling other men for a woman’s affection at a bar, try meeting women in new locations.  Specifically locations that sport a high female to male ration will enhance your chances of meeting new women. 

Single men can scout in many ways and in many different places – the grocery store, the post office, the library, schools, dance lessons, and many more……….

A woman’s clothing store is a great place to meet new women.  Not only is this location filled with women but, it is also almost completely absent of other men.  Many men avoid a woman’s clothing store like the plague so if you are brave enough to head inside - you will usually have an assortment of women to choose from.  You can start a conversation by asking a woman for advice for a gift for your sister , your mother  or by complimenting her on her purchases. 

The gym can also be another great place to meet new women.  While you may already spend hours a day pumping iron in the weight room try spending some time on a cardio machine or drop in on an aerobics or yoga class.  Women usually dominate these activities so getting involved in these types of  activities increases your chance of meeting women while you are at the gym. 

Another great place to meet new women is in an adult continuing education class.  Many community colleges offer night classes on a variety of subjects.  Try signing up for a class or two and you may find that you meet a variety of new women.  The key here is to choose a class that sounds interesting to you but is a class that is likely to consist of mostly women, such as, a cooking classes or pottery classes. 

The Internet is always an option for meeting women.  You can try placing a personals ad online or join a dating service to read profiles of available men.  There are so many personals sites available that it would almost be impossible not to find a suitable match.  Just be sure to exercise caution and not give out your contact information or agree to meet anyone in a secluded location. 

Hobby and craft stores are also excellent places to meet new women.  Many women enjoy activities in arts and craft and often frequent these types of stores to purchase items for craft projects.  More importantly though this is a hobby that does not attract many men so you will most likely be one of only a few men in the store. 

Tanning spas or salons can be great places to meet new women.  Again, men do not frequent these locations as much as women, so you are most likely to be one of a very small number of men present. (This however is changing with the new metrosexual male comed forward.) If you are attracted to women who put a lot of effort into their appearance the salon is definitely the place to go.  Here you will find women who are committed to their appearance and who will appreciate you for your ability to understand that a manicure is just as important to men as it is to women. 

If you are in search of a woman with interests similar to yours, a bookstore might just be the place for you.  Try visiting a bookstore and only searching sections of the bookstore that interest you.  Forget about attempting to determine what section might attract the most women and stick to the sections that hold your interests.  You might be pleasantly surprised to meet a new woman who shares your passion for restoring old cars.  Also a lot of the newer bookstores have cafés in them so after you have chosen your books, sit down and relax with a coffee and just see how many women do the same.

Sporting events can also be a great place to meet women who either share your love of sports or are in search of men themselves.  You may attend a baseball game and wind up meeting a woman who shares your love of sports or you may at least meet a woman who is trying to meet a man.  Sporting events are typically well attended by men so it’s possible that the women you meet at a sporting event are trying to put the odds in their favor and use this opportunity to meet men. 

Another great place to meet new women is the theater.  Women are typically drawn to the arts and if you begin attending local theater productions you may find the opportunity to meet a variety of new women.  Not many men take in plays or operas on their own so doing so will help you to stand out from the crowd and single women are more likely to notice you. 

Finally a grocery story is a great place to meet new women.  Women make up the larger percentage of grocery shoppers so as one of only few men the odds will be in your favor.  Also, women typically are experienced shoppers and you can take this opportunity to ask for their assistance in picking out produce or choosing a pasta sauce.  You asking their advice will flatter women.

While bars and nightclubs are certainly full of available women the likelihood of meeting a woman at these locations is slim to none.  Although many women frequent nightclubs and bars in the hopes of meeting a man, these are also locations where women feel vulnerable and are likely to have their defenses up making them unapproachable.  Try attending ballroom dance lessons, or other dance lessons that advertise no partner needed.  I have taken these types of lessons and the lack or male partners is amazing.

In the book “Conscious Dating‿ written by David Steele, David identifies about four levels of attraction venues. There is an old saying “birds of a feather flock together‿, so the higher the level the more aligned the two people will be to each other.

• Level One:  public settings, such as the post office and grocery store.
• Level Two:  generic singles settings, such as singles events, personal ads, and the Internet.
• Level Three: special interest activities, such as a ski club, ballroom dancing, or yoga class
• Level Four:  highly aligned communities in which you share important values, goals, and/or passions with everyone there, such as religious communities, social activist groups, and spirituals organizations.

For more information on scouting, sorting, screening and testing contact Relationship Coach Kathleen Bass at  

speakingaboutyou@hotmail.com

Or www.consciousdating.org 

More relationship advice
 
 

According to dating expert David Steel from Relationship Coaching Institute, there are a series of 4 steps to finding your life partner. 

1-     Scouting

2-     Sorting

3-     Screening

4-     Testing

In this article I will discuss step # 1 the scouting step.  This is the process of searching out someone to meet.  But many women are not really sure where to look or they may be tired of searching for a man in the usual singles scenes such as bars and nightclubs, it may be time to broaden your horizons and try alternative locations for meeting men.  If you think outside the box and begin exploring new locations you may find that meeting a man who shares your interests is easier than you thought. 

Single women can scout in many ways and in many different places – the grocery store, the post office, the library, schools, and many more……….

A few non-traditional locations for meeting men include gyms, animal shelters, home improvement stores, sports bars, volunteer activities, and politic campaigns.  While these locations may contain a high male to female relationship it’s important to choose a location where you are comfortable to search for Mr. Right.  If you don’t enjoy working out or are allergic to animals it would be best to avoid gyms and animal shelters in your quest for a mate because they will most likely lead to you finding a man who is not compatible with you.  There are many locations that are filled with available men and these are great locations to meet new men. 

The gym is a great place to meet new men.  If you don’t already have a gym membership, sign up for your local gym and prepare to meet a multitude of new men.  Even if you don’t find your Prince Charming at the gym, you will have at least had the opportunity to enjoy some physical activity.  The gym is a great place to meet men for a number of reasons.  First of all while women make up a significant percentage of the gym, men still make up the larger percentage of clientele at most gyms.  Venturing into historically male dominated areas such as the weight room heightens your chance of meeting a new man.  You can take the opportunity as one of the few women in the weight room to chat up a man and ask his advice. 

If you are an animal lover, you can meet available new men at your local animal shelter.  If you have a love for animals, and a desire to meet a new man, head on down to a local animal shelter on a busy weekend afternoon.  Here you may find many men in search of a canine companion.  The bonus in this situation is that the single men are very easy to spot.  Men involved in a relationship wouldn’t consider adopting a dog or cat without their partner’s input so you can be sure that if there isn’t a woman hanging on his arm, he is single.

Outdoor activities such as hiking are also good opportunities for meeting new men.  Instead of dressing up and heading out to a nightclub in the evening try waking up early and hitting the hiking or biking trails with one of your friends.  If you are interested in meeting the outdoorsy type of man, this can be your opportunity to meet an available man. 

Another great place to meet new men is a home improvement store or the tool section of a department store.  These stores are overrun with handy men.  You may find the man of the dreams in the tool aisle or at the very least may find a man who is capable of fixing a leaky faucet for you.  While home improvements and maintenance may not be your idea of a way to spend a Saturday evening you might be very surprised by the number of available men just wandering the aisles of these stores on a weekend night. 

If you are interested in meeting an artistic man, coffee houses, community theaters, comedy clubs are other places to meet new men.  The relaxed, cozy atmosphere of a coffee house provides the perfect mood to strike up a casual conversation with a new man.  Coffee houses invite customers to linger over the coffee and this is the ideal opportunity to approach a man who catches your eye.  Community theaters and comedy clubs are also perfect places to strike up casual conversations during intermissions.  When people are relaxed and laughing they are more open to what may be.

The woman who enjoys sports would be well advised to visit a sports bar on the night of an important local game to meet the man of her dreams.  This location, works wonders for meeting new men for a few reasons.  First you will most likely be one of only a few women in the bar and secondly displaying any knowledge of the sport will charm most of the men in that bar. 

If you have a specific interest or hobby, try taking a course on the subject.  In doing so you will further your knowledge about your hobby and may meet a new man in the process.  Many men enjoy taking courses and learning about new activities so you may find yourself pleasantly surprised by the number of men in your class. 

If you are the athletic type, you may find a great place to meet new men is in a local sports league.  Try signing up for a recreational league in either a sport you enjoy or one that you have always wanted to learn.  Some cities even have singles leagues that you might be interested in joining.  Many towns have single parent groups that have sports teams. So if you are single and a parent check them out.  This will give you the opportunity to meet a wealth of men who share your love of sports.  Even if you don’t wind up meeting the man of the dreams you will have at least had the opportunity to participate in a sport that you enjoy. 

The technically inclined, modern woman may choose to meet new men online.  There are plenty of online dating sites available on the Internet that are just full of single men looking to make a love connection.  You may find personals sites that cater to a specific interest or those that cater to specific demographic groups.  Searching for a man online gives you the ability to read through personals ads at your leisure and allows you to scout and sort men according to different categories. 

Another great place to meet new men is a Laundromat.  Even if you own your own washer and dryer, head on down to your local Laundromat and you are sure to meet available men.  While the Laundromat may not be your ideal location for meeting a new man, there are some distinct advantages to meeting a man in a Laundromat.  First you can be almost positive that a guy doing his laundry by himself is really single and secondly it never hurt to meet a man who is capable of doing his own laundry. 

If you find yourself frustrated with the lack of new men available at bars and nightclubs try venturing out to different locations to meet new men.  The key to doing this is to choose an activity you enjoy and head out to an appropriate location in search of a compatible man.  Men are out there doing just about every activity imaginable so whether you like artistic, athletic or handy men, there are more than a few places that are great for meeting new men. 

n the book “Conscious Dating‿ written by David Steele, David identifies about four levels of attraction venues. There is an old saying “birds of a feather flock together‿, so the higher the level the more aligned the two people will be to each other.

• Level One:   public settings, such as the post office and grocery store.
• Level Two:  generic singles settings, such as singles events, personal ads, and the Internet
• Level Three: special interest activities, such as a ski club, ballroom dancing, or yoga class 
• Level Four:  highly aligned communities in which you share important values, goals, and/or passions with everyone there, such as religious communities, social activist groups, and spirituals organizations.

For more information on scouting, sorting, screening and testing contact Relationship Coach Kathleen Bass at speakingaboutyou@hotmail.com

Or www.consciousdating.org 

More relationship advice

Just for fun, - try to match the behavior with the interpretation below to see how well you can really read your date.

Behavior                                          Interpretation

__ 1. Playing with hair                         a. Impatience

__ 2. Rubbing eyes                              b. Confidence

__ 3. Biting fingernails                         c. Lying

__ 4. Stroking chin                              d. Insecurity

__ 5. Drumming fingers                       e. Doubt

__ 6. Hands on hips                            f. Anticipation

__ 7. Tugging at ear                           g. Lack of self-confidence

__ 8. Rubbing nose                            h. Aggression

__ 9. Hand on cheek                           i. Indecision

__10. Walking briskly                          j. Dejection

__11. Rubbing hands together           k. Trying to make a decision

__12. Walking hands in pockets         l. Evaluating all the options 

Answers: 1-g; 2-e; 3-d; 4-k; 5-a; 6-h; 7-i; 8-c; 9-l; 10-b; 11-f; 12-j

 More relationship advice

Your body speaks it’s own language and it speaks it loud and clear. So does that of your dates.  Body Language can speak so much louder than even words do. If this is true then one thing is for certain we need to go back to school (so to speak) and learn this very unfamiliar language.

A study by Professor Albert Mehrabian in 1965 highlighted that over 50% of our communication is through how we move our bodies .  Professor Mehrabian is known for his pioneering work in the field of nonverbal communication (body language). His experiments helped identify nonverbal and subtle ways in which one conveys like-dislike, power and leadership, discomfort and insecurity, social attractiveness, or persuasiveness.

A more recent study said that only about 10% of our communication is verbal.  The majority of the rest of our communication is unspoken.  If theses studies are accurate, then this makes telephone conversations and, even worse, emails and written messages, poor forms of communication – no wonder we get email rage. It really isn’t rocket science people.

When you learn how to read and understand someone’s body language, you will be able to see the clues as to whether that person has a romantic interest in you or not.  By accurately reading their body language you will be able to determine whether or not the other person is truly feeling comfortable around you and is interested in getting to know you better. 

Understanding body language is also important because it can ensure that you are not unintentionally sending the wrong messages out to other people. 

Reading a persons body language is far from an exact science.  It is one part observation, two parts interpretation. It can often be subtle and subconscious but, if you are aware of your body language you can make a conscious effort to make sure that you are sending the right messages to others. 

The art of reading body language really isn’t difficult and once you are familiar with a few guidelines you will come to realize that understanding body language is very intuitive.  Correctly reading body language will make sure that you don’t miss out on  potential partners who are sending you signs that they are interested in pursuing a romance with you.

But one problem with reading body language is that body language can have more than one meaning.  For example, people who are relaxed may fold their arms or someone who is cold may do the same thing.  One of the secrets of reading body language is to look for things that happen at the same time.  For instance if you ask them a searching question and they close up, then this is a pretty good sign that they do not want to talk about it (for whatever reasons) and if they do, they may not be telling you the truth.  But also be aware of the way you asked the question – it could also be your tone or aggressiveness too.

Here are a few Body language tips for you:

How close a person stands to you can be one of the most important body language clues to whether someone is interested in you romantically or not.  In other words the closer they stand to you the more interested they are in you romantically and the farther they stand away from you the less interested they are in pursuing a romance with you.  In general the two-foot rule applies.  This means that if a person does not get closer than two feet to you, they aren’t interested in a romance with you. 

This is a subtle use of body language and is a clear sign of a lack of romantic interest.  On the other hand, if the person stands closer to you and within arms reach they are sending you a signal that they are interested in you.  The intimacy of standing close to someone is a clear body language indication that you have a romantic interest in that person. 

Just remember that on the whole people do like to have thier own space, so make sure that if you are the one interested that you don’t get closer than the two-feet, at least until you are sure that they feel the same interest in you…or this might be considered pushy.

Another body language clue that someone is interested in you is that they begin to copy your own body language.  This is called Mirroring and often happens subconsciously but if you notice someone mimicking your behaviors it is a clear sign that they are interested in you.  This mirroring or mimicking  behavior can begin almost immediately and is very easy to read or pick up on.  You should be flattering because it is a sure sign that the other person admires you and is trying to become more like you in very subtle ways. 

More often than not the other person isn’t even aware that they are doing this. It is a natural instinct to try to imitate those that we admire. This is seen as one way to draw ourselves closer to them.  Mirroring is pretty easy to notice and it is also a clear body language indication of romantic interest. 

Arm folding or legs crossed - this can be seen as defensive so if you are interested in someone and they are using this body language be careful.  Remember the example, i gave earlier about some people who are relaxed may fold their arms or someone who is cold may do the same thing.  The secret to reading body language is to also look for other things that happen at the same time. 

Body positioning can also be a form of body language that can either convey romantic interest or disinterest.  When speaking to someone, if their body and particularly their torso are turned towards you and leaning closer to you this is an indication of romantic interest.  This body positioning leaves you unguarded and vulnerable, and this indicates trust in the other person. 

If the trust were not there, you would not put yourself in such a vulnerable position and would be more likely to stand with your body turned slightly away from the other person and leaning away from them.  Standing in this open position towards another person is a clear example of body language that expresses a romantic interest.

Leaning - while you sit or stand is viewed as a way of showing interest. For example if you were not interested in the person and listening closely to them why would you lean in towards them. You might in fact lean away from them if you were not interested in what they were saying.

Your eyes often send body language messages to those around you letting them know whether or not you are interested in them. When you have a romantic interest in someone you make eye contact and also blink often. If you like someone, look deeply into their eyes while they speak to you. Not looking into person’s eyes while you speak to them (or they speak to you) gives off the impression of dishonesty or hiding something. As can shifting your eyes constantly or rapidly changing directions. 

 Avoiding eye contact lets a person know that you are not comfortable with them and that you do not have a romantic interest in them.  If or when eye contact becomes uncomfortable instead of looking away, shift your attention to the persons whole face above the nose tip. Start with the bridge of their nose, their cheekbones, their forehead, their hair, (about the nose tip).

Have fun with this and enjoy the persons face. It is said the eyes whole the secret to a person’s soul, and the face tells the story of their life – so take time to read their story. 

Although body language is often very subtle and subconscious it can also send a clear message regarding the persons interest.  Perhaps the fact that body language is subconscious is what also makes it such an accurate indication of romantic language.  Since body language is done without our thinking about it,  it allows us to send messages that might  be uncomfortable to conveying verbally.  

Think about Body language this way, and you may understand its role in dating better. Body language is like a singer.  When an experienced singer performs, they automatically breathe life into their music, and this usually affects the musicians that are accompanying the singer and also the audience for whom they sing.

However it is very rare that a person was born with the talent to sing like that.  They may have a great voice but the majority of singers work very hard to achieve this ability to breath life into their songs. They practice the scales, the theory, the songs.  They practice, practice, practice.  I’m sure that you have all heard the joke; “How do you get to Carnegie Hall?……Practice, Practice, Practice.

Well I’m sure that you are able to have the same experience in your work with Body language – except there are few notes to learn and scales to practice.  In the beginning as you learn many of these techniques;  you will be practicing each individual note. It will take time for these notes to feel comfortable but with practice you will soon breath “life” into them.

With time and patience, using body language will become second nature to you, just please learn to do this from a place of truth and honesty because somewhere deep inside everyone of us is a built in B.S. detector and I promise that at sometime or otrher it will rear it’s head.

So again please use your new understanding of body language to convey something you honesty feel and believe.    

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