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"Love is the most important word in the English language-and the most confusing. Psychologists have concluded that the need to feel loved is a primary human emotional need. For love, we will climb mountains, cross-seas, traverse desert sands, and endure untold hardships. Without love, mountains become unclimbable, seas uncross able, deserts unbearable, and hardships a plight in life." Quote from…The Five Love Languages How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate
This book was one of the most amazing books I have read in a very long time. As a relationship coach I recommend this book and the quiz to all my clients … in fact I insist that they read it. I have seen the changes it can make in a couples life and these changes appear in a very short time. Even if you have the perfect relationship this book is still a must, and if not then it is even more of a must.
We have all heard John Grays "Men speak Marian and Women speak venation", Well now we can learn to speak the five love languages too.
Here is a very brief overview of the book:
Language # 1 - Words of Affirmation:
Verbal compliments, words of appreciation, encouraging word, kind words and humble words are all ways to show love using verbal communication. One of the deepest needs in many people is the need to feel appreciated Words of affirmations will meet this need for many people. The book gives several examples on how others have used words of Affirmation to change there failing relationships, this book talks about the fact that a lot of people have more potential than they will ever know and that in some case what holds them back is the lack of encouragement.
The book talks about how individuals mess up every new day with yesterday. By insisting on bring the failures of yesterday into today and in doing so, pollute a potentially wonderful day.
Language # 2 - Quality Time:
Quality time means togetherness…not sitting in front of the T.V. together but sitting together, giving each other your total undivided attention. This means looking at each other, talking to each other, not at each other. The author of this book shows through example how couples can spend all kinds of time with each other and it not really be quality time and vise-versa. Couples can spend small amounts of time together and it can be quality time. Whatever the activity we choose, we need to give each other our full-undivided attention. "The activity is a vehicle that creates the sense of togetherness."
Language # 3 - Receiving Gifts:
The giving of a gift is an outward sign that the person was thinking of you in some way. It is something that you can hold and touch that show some one cared enough to think of you. To give a gift the person giving the gift has to think about the person that they are giving the gift to. The gift is a symbol of that thought and it doesn't matter the cost, it is the fact that they did think of you. Not just the thought of mind but the fact that they took time to secure the gift for you that also matters.
Gifts are a visible sign that someone cares, that someone loves you….be it mother, father, sister, brother, daughter, son, friend or lover. You know that they care. Wedding rings are a gift and a symbol of love. For some this is their love language. They believe that by giving a gift it shows I care and vise-versa that if you give me a gift then that too shows that you care. But sometimes during hard times the best gift of all is the gift of your time.
Language # - 4 Acts of Service:
Acts such as cooking meals, setting the table, washing floors, clothes, dishes, mowing the lawn, fixing the plumbing ……etc are all acts of service. The person performing these acts of service has to think about them plan the time to do them, and put the effort into doing them. They do this to show that they care about you. Now the author is talking about acts of service that someone does for you without you asking them to. The wife who keeps the house clean all the time and has dinner ready for her partner after a long day at work, the husband that mows the lawn every weekend, to keep the yard looking nice for his family to be proud of.
Language # 5 - Physical Touch:
We have always known that we have 5 senses, sight, hearing, taste, smell and touch. Of these 5 senses touch is very different from the rest …. Sight is through our eyes, hearing is trough our ears, taste is through our tongue, but touch is not limited to our fingers. We have tiny tactile receptors all over our bodies. When these receptors are touched or pressed, nerves carry impulses to the brain and the brain interprets these impulses. It could be pain or pleasure, hot or cold, hard or soft, loving or not.
Touch can make or break a relationship, show love or hate and for those who's love language is touch…it can speak 10 times louder than any words you may use.
This book is filled with personal examples to show each and every one of the 5 love languages. The author is amazing in his explanations as to how they affect all of us in someway and how by knowing them can make or by not know them can break a relationship. This book is a must read book for every one in or out of a relationship because even a hermit has to deal with people at sometime and by knowing love languages it makes it a lot easies on everyone.